home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
BBS Toolkit
/
BBS Toolkit.iso
/
wildcat
/
wbquote.zip
/
QUOTE10.LST
< prev
next >
Wrap
File List
|
1993-02-27
|
44KB
|
1,518 lines
- if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!
--"I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away now.
I fed the cat. - Zippy"
--- I have seen the FUN ---
.. my NOSE is NUMB!
.. My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
Alley!!
...bleakness....desolation....plastic forks...
...he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.
...I see TOILET SEATS...
...I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
...I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within SIX AND A
HALF HOURS!!!
...I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM of a
KOSHER DELI --
...ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr...ich lande im antiken
Rom... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble...ich rieche PIZZA...
...Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in
DUSSELDORF!!
...My vaseline is RUNNING...
...or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last
Tuesday?
...someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN
...the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
..are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?
..does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS?
..here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!!
..I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q.
LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!
..I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!
..I have read the INSTRUCTIONS...
..I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common
MISAPPREHENSIONS...
..I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
..If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!!
..over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting..
..the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued
OYSTER! Yum!
..this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with
LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??
Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!
All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS...
All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!
All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!
All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!
Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?
Am I elected yet?
America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into your
void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind --
An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??
An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!
And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!
ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO
MONTALBAN'S HAIR!
Are we live or on tape?
Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!
Are we THERE yet?
Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??
Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!
Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?
As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!
Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?
Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away!
Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.
BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot..
BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-
Bo Derek ruined my life!
Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...
Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!
But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!!
But they went to MARS around 1953!!
But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?
Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger!
CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!
Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!!
Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!
Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL
NUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn LEFT
at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!!
CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about
DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??
Could I have a drug overdose?
Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in
a MALIBU HOT TUB?
Did I do an INCORRECT THING??
Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus???
Did I SELL OUT yet??
Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?
DIDI...is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?
Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running
straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the
dollar!
Do I have a lifestyle yet?
Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space?
Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat??
Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days?
DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES...WAIT!! Don't
go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ...And I DON'T know Polish jokes!!
Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!
Don't SANFORIZE me!!
Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!!
Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!!
Everybody gets free BORSCHT!
Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale or a disaster
Movie!!
FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!
Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my
gothic solarium!!
FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS..
FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!
Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my
satellite dish PAYMENTS!
Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU - - -
Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!!
Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!!
Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste!
Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard--I'm living for
today!
Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ...Now, it's
time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
He is the MELBA-BEING...the ANGEL CAKE...XEROX him...XEROX him --
HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!
Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan
females!!
Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA!
Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess..
Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample
bottles..
Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN
anywhere!!
Here we are in America...when do we collect unemployment?
Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ..you're not Clint Eastwood!!
Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some
drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!!
Hmmm... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE
ORCHESTRA...ha..ha..
Hmmm... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL
CHLORIDE...
Hmmm..a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a
TROLLEY-CAR..
Hmmm..A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted
island, when...
Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS...
How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??
How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism?
I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!!
I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut.
I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!
I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller!
I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!
I am NOT a nut....
I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!
I brought my BOWLING BALL - and some DRUGS!!
I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!!
I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of
LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS...
I demand IMPUNITY!
I didn't order any WOO-WOO... Maybe a YUBBA.. But no WOO-WOO!
I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just a
BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen--..to sell more
numbers!!
I don't know WHY I said that.. I think it came from the FILLINGS in my
read molars..
I feel better about world problems now!
I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!
I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!
I feel partially hydrogenated!
I guess it was all a DREAM.. or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O...
I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81...
I had pancake makeup for brunch!
I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD
I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you.
I have accepted Provolone into my life!
I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket..
I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!!
I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling
every day from Oral Roberts!!
I hope I bought the right relish...zzzzzzzzz..."
I hope the "Eurythmics" practice birth control...
I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life
savings in yeast!!
I invented skydiving in 1989!
I joined scientology at a garage sale!!
I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker.. But now I can't remember WHO he
is...
I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!
I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch
with my LEISURE SUIT!!
I just remembered something about a TOAD!
I Know A Joke
I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!
I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!!
I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!!
I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!
I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to ``WIPE-OUT'' in
1965!!
I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!!
I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank!
I represent a sardine!!
I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers!
I selected E5...but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs!"
I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!
I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!
I think I am an overnight sensation right now!!
I think my career is ruined!
I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH RADIATION
LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!!
I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go.. with EXTRA MSG!!
I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n
secure!!
I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres.
I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE
and WHEAT THINS..
I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS...
I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space...
I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE..
I want you to organize my PASTRY trays...my TEA-TINS are gleaming in
formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with
me --
I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution!
I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus!
I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!
I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog!
I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems!
I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world?
I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool --
I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried!
I'd like some JUNK FOOD...and then I want to be ALONE - -
I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!!
I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS...
I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany
I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!!
I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!
I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!
I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!!
I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!!
I'm definitely not in Omaha!
I'm DESPONDENT... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this
miniature DOMED STADIUM...
I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late...
I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!!
I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!!
I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!!
I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!!
I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS!
I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!!
I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in my
PAJAMA POCKET??
I'm having an emotional outburst!!
I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!
I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS.
I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my
PERSONAL SPACE!!
I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD
STERLING when you really need him?
I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!!
I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly??
I'm rated PG-34!!
I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!!
I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with
MISSILES!!
I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin
Hustle now!
I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!!
I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER WORKINGS
of this POTATO!!
I'm wet! I'm wild!
I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode.
I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT...
If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old
houseboy...
If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!
If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!
If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!
If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry
Bonzo??
In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day!
INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!
Inside, I'm already SOBBING!
Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in
Safeway?
Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG his
GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the ESCALATOR...
Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one wild
afternoon??
Is it clean in other dimensions?
Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a
plate of SAUCE MORNAY?
Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?
Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also
makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR?
It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!!
It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!!
It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID LETTERMAN!!
YOW!!
It's a lot of fun being alive...I wonder if my bed is made?!?
It's OKAY --- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too.
It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!
JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level
of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING...
Kids, don't gross me off.. "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be
carried too FAR!
Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA,
PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!
Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ...um...um... th' washing machine is a
black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!!
LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!
Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you..
Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS...
Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!
Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS... or a
HIGHBALL??...
Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card!
Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!
LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and ``Flock of
Seagulls'' HAIRCUTS!
Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!
Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE--
MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!
My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off.. It has noiseless DOZE
FUNCTION and full kitchen!!
My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New
York!!
My EARS are GONE!!
My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!!
My haircut is totally traditional!
My life is a patio of fun!
My mind is a potato field...
My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton....
My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie...
My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!
My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!
My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!!
NATHAN...your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED - They
COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ...They had no MONEY MACHINES...They did
PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ...Nathan, I EMULATED them ...but they were
OFF-KEY...
NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!!
Not SENSUOUS...only "FROLICSOME"...and in need of DENTAL WORK...in
PAIN!!!
Now I am depressed...
Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"!
Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World
War II!
Now, I think it would be GOOD to buy FIVE or SIX STUDEBAKERS and CRUISE
for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY??
OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED
R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!
OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O and
a BIG WRENCH!!... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if it was
a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT... ...or...I...um...WHERE'S the WASHING
MACHINES?
On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL QUILTING
BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!!
On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
POINT.
Once, there was NO fun... This was before MENU planning, FASHION
statements or NAUTILUS equipment...
OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND
REPAIR!!
PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your
BOOTH!
PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT.
Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the
Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES!
Please come home with me...I have Tylenol!!
Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!!
PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!!
Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
RELATIVES!!
Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by
prescription!!
RHAPSODY in Glue!
Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK
hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? So
this is what it feels like to be potato salad
Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!
Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a
batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!!
Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it to
Beaver"!
Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why?
TAILFINS!! ...click...
TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash
Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!
Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to
Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!!
Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL
The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth the
whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!
The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality --
and have since BIRTH!!
The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN...
The Korean War must have been fun.
The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!!
The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for and END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!
The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!!
Then, in 1985.. FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP..
There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS
in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!!
There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!
These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!
They collapsed....like nuns in the street....they had no teen appeal!
This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD...He's so..so.....URGENT!!
This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!
Those aren't WINOS--that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD SWALLOWER,
and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!
Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a... feeling for the
aesthetic modules --
Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES... Nipples,
dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! ..I don't like FRANK
SINATRA or his CHILDREN.
Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader
frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
TAX-DEFERRED!
Wait.. is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction??
Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!!
We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub...
We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV
and a large selection of creme-filled snack cakes!
We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --
We just joined the civil hair patrol!
Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN.. I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES
ROOM...
Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?
What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?
What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK...
What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?
What PROGRAM are they watching?
What UNIVERSE is this, please??
Where does it go when you flush?
Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??
Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!!
While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit
priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!
WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the NEGATIVE
IONS!!
Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??
Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?
Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT
CENTER with you??
Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air?
Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?
With YOU, I can be MYSELF.. We don't NEED Dan Rather..
World War III? No thanks!
World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress
code!
Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it!
Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders!"
Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON
MAIDEN concert?
You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW
CAREER!!
You were s'posed to laugh!
Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS
--
Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental
attitudes!
Yow! Am I having fun yet?
Yow! Am I in Milwaukee?
Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights!
Yow! Are we laid back yet?
Yow! Are we wet yet?
Yow! Are you the self-frying president?
Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??
Yow! I just went below the poverty line!
Yow! I threw up on my window!
Yow! I want my nose in lights!
Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua!
Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel
mill!
Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!
Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof?
Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it??
Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank!
Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping!
Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY--
Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING
BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!
Yow! Now we can become alcoholics!
Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!
Yow! We're going to a new disco!
YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!"
YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!!
YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!!
YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of CHIVAS
REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND!
YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!
YOW!!! I am having fun!!!
Yow!
Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses...
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #1
AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN
"Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun."
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #2
FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT PAEH GUSH DIVAR
"I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor
with my arms above my head and my legs spread."
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #3
SHOMAEH FEKR TOMOMEH OEH GOFTEH BANDE
"I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life."
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #4
AUTO ARRAREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH-HAST
"It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your
car."
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #5
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMA REJEBEHKESHVAREHMAN
"If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages, I will
gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public."
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #6
KHREL JEPAHEN MANEH VA JAYEII AMRIKANEY
"I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies traveling
as reporters."
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #7
BALLI, BALLI, BALLI
"Whatever you say!"
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #8
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GOHRBAN
"The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency."
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #9
TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRAUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM
"The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious! Thank you - I must have the
recipe!"
Useful to know phrase when traveling Moslem Arab areas: #10
ETHFORAN, DHRATEE OTAGEH SHOWA MIKRASTAMKHE DO HAFTAEH BA BODANEH
SHEEREELTEEGZ
"Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than spend a
fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Tiegs!"
You teach best what you most need to learn.
- Bach
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they
are yours.
- Bach
You are never given a wish without also being given
the power to make it true. You may have to work for
it, however.
- Bach
The original sin is to limit yourself. Don't!
The best way to avoid responsibility is to say,
"I've got responsibilities."
- Bach
The world is your exercise book, the pages on which
you do your sums. It's not reality, although you can
express reality there if you wish. You are also free
to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.
- Bach
Your friends will know you better in the first minute
you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a
thousand years.
- Bach
Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is
published around the world - even if what is published
is not true.
- Bach
There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for
you in its hands. You seek problems because you need
their gifts.
- Bach
The bond that links your true family is not one of
blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.
Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same
roof.
- Bach
If you will practice being fictional for awhile, you
will understand that fictional characters are sometimes
more real than people with bodies and heartbeats.
- Bach
Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your
selfishness. Listen to it carefully.
- Bach
Every person, all the events of your life are there
because you have drawn them there. Whay you choose to
do with them is up to you.
- Bach
The truth you speak has no past and no future. It is,
and that's all it needs to be.
- Bach
Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is
finished: If you're alive, it isn't.
- Bach
In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice
boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.
- Bach
Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary
before you can meet again. And meeting again, after
moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are
friends.
- Bach
The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in
injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end
of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
- Bach
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- F. W. O'Malley
The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab
it and run.
- John Barrymore
When some men discharge an obligation you can hear the
report for miles around.
- Mark Twain
Only so much do I know, as I have lived.
- Emerson
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
- Aldous Huxley
For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"
- Whittier
The best happiness a woman can boast is that of being
most carefully deceived.
- George James
A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has
not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
- Howard Scott
I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
- Calvin Coolidge
It's clever, but is it art?
- Kipling
Beneath this stone my wife doth lie:
Now she's at rest, and so am I!
- Boileau
There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.
- Voltaire
It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of
vegetarianism, while the wolf remains of a different opinion.
- Dean Inge
A failure is a man who has blundered but is not able to cash
in the experiance.
- Elbert Hubbard
I would rather err with Plato than think rightly with
these (Pythagoreans).
- Cicero
O Lord--if there is a Lord; save my soul--if I have a soul.
- Renan
Surgery is by far the worst snob among the handicrafts.
- Austin O'Malley
Two and two continue to make four, in spite of the whine of the
amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five.
- Whistler
Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.
- Washington Irving
Women and elephants never forget an injury.
- Saki
If there were no God, it would have been nesessary to
invent him.
- Voltaire
History is merely gossip.
- Oscar Wilde
Every form of government tends to perish by excess of its basic
principle.
- Will Durant
How prudently we proud men compete for nameless graves, while
now and then some starveling of Fate forgets himself into
immortality.
- Wendell Phillips
Pay no attention to what critics say. There has never been set
up a statue in honor of a critic.
- Sibelius
No man who needs a monument ever ought to have one.
- Hawthorne
It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain
why you did it wrong.
- Longfellow
Once man demanded virtue in woman; now all he
expects is that she be discreet.
A small debt produces a debtor; a large one, an enemy.
- Publilius Syrus
The cat is in the parlor, the dog is in the lake;
The cow is in the hammock -- what difference does it make?
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diaper once a month?
A: Because it says right on the box - "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror in the bottom of a pool.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized!
Q: Why should you never take a blond out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to retrain them.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N. . . . hum, oh well. . .
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea, yea, yea....
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence!
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in a Handicapped Zone!
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ears.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (while rocking head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Q: Why don't blondes eat jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packets.
Q: Why do blonds wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blonds wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What's the mating call of a blonde?
A: I'm sooooooo drunk!
Q: What's the mating call of a brunette?
A: Have all the blondes left?
Q: Why do blondes like the GST?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q: What do you say to a blonde who won't give in?
A: Have another beer.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blond on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blond with a brunette on either side?
A: A language barrier.
Q: What's the first thing a blond does in the morning?
A1: Introduce herself.
A2: Go home.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's whiteout all over the screen.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch the information into a computer once.
Q: What do a blond and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
go down on you.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because you wash vegetables there.
Q: The dumb blonde - Why?
A: Because there's no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy,
or a smart blonde.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
A: (screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put thumb tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How many blonds does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: Five, one to make the batter and four to peel the smarties.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw
puzzle in only six months?
A: Because it said right on the box - "from 2-4 years."
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: How does a blond interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes standing in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: Why did the blonde go half-way to Norway, turn around and come
home again?
A: It took her that long to realise that a 14" Viking was a
television.
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: Why do blonds always die before help arrives?
A: When dialling 911, they can't find the 11(eleven).
Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or a flat rate?
Q: What do you call a ski slope covered in blondes?
A: Frosted flakes.
Q: What did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?
A: Oh look, a box of donut seeds!
A brunette and a blonde were walking along a street. The brunette
exclaims suddenly, "Oh look, a dead birdie!" The blonde stops,
looks up and says "where?"
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong
way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you're going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the
people are leaving.
Don't complain that my coffee tastes like dishwater
--until you've tasted my dishwater...
- MEL
You belive that easily which you hope for earnestly.
- Terence
God sends meat, the devil sends cooks.
- Charles VI
No nation was ever ruined by trade.
- Franklin
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe
in it.
- Don Marquis
One can find women who have never had one love affair,
but it is rare indeed to find any who have had only one.
- La Rochefoucauld
You teach best, that which you need to learn most.
- Richard Bach
God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until
the end of his days.
- Johnson
The perception of beauty is a moral test.
- Thoreau
It is better to play than do nothing.
- Confucius
The only real people are the people who never
existed.
- Oscar Wilde
They make glorious shipwreck who are lost in seeking worlds.
- Lessing
Women, deceived by men, want to marry them! It is a
kind of revenge as good as any other.
- Beaumanoir
I value little my own opinions, but I value just as
little those of others.
- Montaigne
Wise men plead causes, but fools decide them.
- Anacharsis
My memory is the thing I forget with.
- A child
Ignorance never settles a question.
- Disraeli
Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed
for trivial reasons.
- Bertrand Russell
Language is only the instrument of science, and
words are but the signs of ideas.
- Johnson
The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows
himself to be a fool.
- Shakespeare
Only the wise possess ideas; the greater part of mankind
are possessed by them.
- Coleridge
Were it not for imagination, Sir, a man would be as happy
in the arms of a chambermaid as of a Duchess.
- Johnson
If you want him to mourn, you had best leave him
nothing.
- Martial
Society prepares the crime; the criminal commits it.
- V. Alfieri
Nothing is so firmly believed as what we least know.
- Montaigne
All I know is just what I read in the papers.
- Will Rogers
It is much easier to be critical that to be correct.
- Disraeli
Laugh, if you are wise.
- Martial
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody
does anything about it.
- Charles Dudley Warner
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich
as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg
in the streets, and to steal bread.
- Anatole France
@CLS@@07@@1F@ @1E@WILD BEE'S BBS
@11@█@1E@█ 209 826-8107 █
▀▄ @4E@ @1E@ ▄▀
▀▄@10@▄@07@ @10@▄@1E@▄▀
@01@▀@10@███████ ███████
███@0F@▄███▄@10@███@0F@▄███▄@10@██
@01@██@10@██@0F@▐███████▌███████▌@10@█
@01@██@10@███@0F@████▀▀▀█▀▀▀████▌ @1F@
@01@██ @0E@▄█▄@0F@▀██ █ ██▀@0E@▄▄█▄@01@▀▀@11@
@01@ @0E@▄█████▄▄@0F@▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀@0E@▄██████ @1E@
@0E@ ███▀███▌ @07@▀▀▀ @0E@▐@1E@██████@0E@ @1E@
@0E@ ▀█▄▄▀████▄▄▄▄▄▄███▀ █@1E@█@0E@▀ @1E@
@01@▄@0E@▀██▄ ▄██▀@01@▄▄▄@11@
@01@▄▄@0E@▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀@01@▄▄@11@
@18@ANSI BEE by ED REY